Cold hands, warm shart.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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