I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
