I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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