dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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