I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm too high and old for this...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
