Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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