I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
