That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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