Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
