Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
