I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
