Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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