I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
