I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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