My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
