when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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