Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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