She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
