I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
