the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
