No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
