Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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