i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
