i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
