note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
