You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
