There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
