Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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