is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
