no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
