i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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