i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize