i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want her autograph on my taint
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
