Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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