I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
