I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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