To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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