I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Randomize
