i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
