i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
