so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
