My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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