my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bring money and cleavage
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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