Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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