He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
