My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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