I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
