Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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