The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
