i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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