i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
