Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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