He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
