He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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