I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize