dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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