i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
