i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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