dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
