I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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