please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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