haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
