And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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