Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
