saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
