Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
