I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
