i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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