A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
