Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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