Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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