She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
