I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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